One Man’s Perspective on Marriage

How many married men can relate with this one?    A professional therapist, the author, Ian Kerner, shares his insight on marriage, pregnancy and kids.  Although I was a little concerned with his pessimistic tone,  I think there is probably some truth to it…at least from a man’s perspective.     The article is long and so today we’ll share his first three obervations.  Stay tuned for more…  

9 Things Men Should Know About Sex, Love and Marriage

Monday, August 23, 2010
By Ian Kerner, Ph.D

Instead of breathlessly ripping off each other’s clothes once your baby finally falls asleep, you’re nodding off in front of the TV, shirt stained with pureed carrots. Why didn’t anyone warn you? As a sex therapist and father of two, I’m here to tell you what your married friends won’t about being a husband and father. And if you want to talk more, just visit me at Good in Bed, where I’ll be talking about these issues all week.

3 Things They Don’t Tell You About Marriage

1. You will often feel like you’re in prison. This is only natural when you go to sleep and wake up next to the same person day after day. Some people get married and feel like they have to do everything together—they merge completely. And then they wake up one day, and it’s like they’re living that Talking Heads song: “This is not my beautiful house…this is not my beautiful wife…how did I get here?”

 

Quick fix: Great couples are great individuals. Don’t be afraid to go your own way sometimes. From guys’ and girls’ nights out to the occasional separate vacation, maintain individual identity.

2. You will often wonder “what if?” It’s normal to look over your shoulder and think about what might have been. But when you hug your partner the way you hug your children—with true feeling—you will know that it’s all worth it.

Quick fix: Studies show that a 30-second hug releases hormones that make you feel loving and connected. So forget about taking the time to smell the roses. Just take some time to hug your spouse.

3. You will buy a book written by Suze Orman. You thought you worried about money before? Just wait until you’re married with children. My credit card bills are, like, five pages long! I can’t even read them without getting dizzy! When you’re single, you save for the future—in theory. But once you get married, your financial needs change. And it leads to so much stress: You go to your kid’s first grade art show and start thinking about the little Picasso who’s going to want to get his Master’s in studio art and then loaf around Europe and be a starving artist—all financed by Mom and Dad.

Quick fix: It’s too easy to get hijacked by financial anxiety. So don’t take your stress out on your spouse—build a financial plan together.

And despite financial stress, we know from sound research that married couples do better financially than single guys. And not just because of the combined income, but more likely because married couples strive toward common goals and are working for more than just $ for the next “night out.”

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