Resolve to Speak Lovingly

Happy New Year! We’re three days into 2011.  How many of you made a New Year’s Resolution? How many of you have broken that resolution already? 🙂

I’m really big into making a lot of resolutions. I think the start of a new year is a great way to plan out the year ahead and what goals I would like to achieve. The great thing about making so many is that I don’t beat myself up if I don’t get to everything on my list. I think a successful goal list is made up of a couple of fun items, a couple that are attainable with hard work and then a couple that are very difficult or unlikely. That way, if I have one or two “not accomplished” goals leftover at the end of the year, I know my list was neither too easy nor too hard and I have a couple of roll-over resolutions for the next year.

As Tonya talked about in her previous post, one area we shouldn’t ignore is our relationships. So, this year, I have decided that one of my resolutions is to speak Nick’s love language. Are you familiar with the Five Love Languages? They were created by Dr. Gary Chapman, a marriage counselor, who seemed to notice a pattern in the couples he worked with- every person seemed to express and interpret love in a certain “language”. He developed five categories, or languages, that explain how we show love and how we would like to be shown love in return.

So, what are the Five Love Languages?  

  • Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

  • Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

  • Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

  • Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

  • Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

(Descriptions taken from

Some of you may already be identifying with a certain love language, or can identify how your spouse shows love. You can take the actual online assessment here. You may just be surprised!

Making a resolution to speak your spouses’s love language is great because you have the opportunity to do this everyday. And if a day goes by that you do not speak so lovingly, as this sometimes happens, the next day is a brand new day you can resolve to speak it then.