My Team-Mate! Go Team Raines!

The more I teach the more I learn about my own relationship with my husband Drew. Funny how that works.  I’ve been facilitating a new workshop for seriously dating and engaged couples called 5 Great Dates-Before You Say I Do.  We talked about Hopes, Dreams & Expectations the first week and last week we covered Communicating and Connecting.  A common theme I’ve heard from everyone is that they have the EXPECTATION that being married means that you’re on the same team.  COMMUNICATION we learned is the key to staying on the same team and maneuvering the ups and downs of life together.  So that brings us to this week. The topic- Conflict Resolution.  This is where the rubber meets the road with teamwork.  Conflict, debating, fighting, polite disagreements, whatever you call it…we all face it from time to time. These are the times that challenge the strength of even the greatest team.

Drew and I have been married 14 years but we have not been on the same team all of those years.  There were some times early on that we were opposing forces more times than we teamed up together. While our marriage will always be a work in progress, I’m so happy to be able to look back and marvel at the growth of our relationship.  It is so clear to me from this vantage point that real trust and intimacy only began when we made a conscious decision to be on the same team.

Today was a good example.  Some criticism was lobbed at my husband that I consider ludicrous. He has been a tireless volunteer and happy helper which makes silly comments by petty people so frustrating to me.  Once we talked it out, he decided to take the high road and laugh it off.  What’s funny is that I didn’t handle it so maturely. I was hopping mad and ready for a defensive assault on anyone who dared to flagrantly foul MY MAN! Yep I said it, with a double snap in the air!

Funniest part of the whole thing is my reaction.  Years ago I might not have been so quick to defend him.  I was more likely to see it as a chance to point out some grievance I had stored up for him.  Not anymore. I know his heart and what motivates him, and because of that I was able to immediately call a time-out and let him know I’ve got his back. Just a little thing on the surface but I believe every marriage move made in the right direction ultimately leads to marriage VICTORY!!