If you’re not happy, get divorced.
The statement above was actually the advice given out by a radio host during a recent program I was listening to the other day. A woman had called in for advice about her less than exciting marriage. She said they weren’t planning on divorce because they had kids, but they were bored with each other and just tolerating the marriage. What should she do? The clearly misinformed host went on to say “well if you aren’t happy your kids can feel it and so the first thing you need to do is find a way to make yourself happy, and if that means leaving the relationship, you should do it.”
“WHAT?!” I yelled at my radio. Are you kidding?!
What about the fact that divorce isn’t a good source of happiness?
What about the truth that kids care about their happiness not yours (and in most cases that means they want their parents together)?
What about the studies that show majority of people are NOT happier after a divorce (but people who stick out the tough times in marriage do report being happier)?
Or what about getting rid of your problems, NOT the person you married?!
Oh yeah, and what about the fact that divorce damages families and communities (not just the couple).
Why didn’t this host offer words like
Marriage is tough but worth it! OR
What about trying marriage enrichment, instead of throwing in the towel? OR
Your kids will thank you for sticking together and working it out! OR
The best thing you can do for your children is love their mom/dad!, OR
I know it’s hard right now, but you can make it, it can get better! OR
Check on the wonderful array of online resources and books for enriching your marriage. OR
In Jackson, Michigan, they have wonderful marriage education programs to show couples how to take their marriage from just okay to REALLY outstanding!
I wish I was on that radio show or could have talked to the caller. It makes my heart heavy to know people give out such flip and incorrect advice, which could affect the lives of so many. I’m not, by any means, saying that I want people to live un-happily ever after. I just believe the road to happily ever after might get dark and winding for a bit but it doesn’t mean you abandon the journey. The misinformed information from this radio host makes me certain those of us who believe in the importance of marriage need to spread the word and encourage other couples that MARRIAGE MATTERS to all of us!